Reflections
What is my central purpose in life?
I am President. I am the most powerful man in the Philippines. All that I have dreamt of I have. More accurately, I have all the material things I want of life—a wife who is loving and is a partner in the things I do, bright children who will carry my name, a life well lived—all.
But I feel a discontent.
Because I may not have done all that I can. Because I may have taken the easy and safer way out.
The lack of firmness which I call tolerance may not just be breadth of mind or compassion but borders on cowardice.
For what I may want may be safety for my family and myself.
I have a vague persistent feeling that I have not done my task well.
For the communists are slowly getting stronger and soon may be strong enough to start a violent revolution.
Then all the destruction and the killed—the suffering and devastation will be a curse on me.
For I could prevent this.
And I must.
But I have not.
However much we may deny it, the communists are gaining adherents among the young, the peasants, the intellectuals and worse yet in the media.
Their propaganda campaign has somehow succeeded because the pseudointellectuals, the reporters, commentators, editors, publishers and even the clergy and the affluent have willingly or unwillingly served their purpose.
No Official Gazette entry for this day.
Reform and change have been preempted by then pushing out the sincere and more effective efforts of organized but peaceful revolution.
Their successful take-over of barrios and even towns in Isabela was a warning. For that is part of Ilocandia where the farmers are supposed to be loyal men of firm and steadfast beliefs in our democratic way of life.
Only the Armed Forces (Task Force Lawin) and the mayors and governors’ determined action prevented the take-over of the province. Now they have been driven to the mountains.
And we now know the leaders, the apparatus and their hideouts. And yet I keep repeating that we must know all the big fellows supporting them.
There is actually a rebellion now more serious because more insidious than that of 1950.
And I hesitate to call it such and to take the necessary forceful steps because of timidity? Fear of a verdict of history? Fear of ultimate retaliation by the communists?
I have said we must wait for the commitments by the consultative group that meets in Paris on April 22-23 and give investors up to July to come in. Again this procrastination.
But the investors and creditors may find more inducement in a stable economy protected from the communists by a strong leadership.
Father Jose Cruz, S.J., the retreat master in the conference at 10:15 AM from which I have just come opines that the balance has been tilted and the communists are losing out. He believes that one more year of growth pains, of patience and holding on will do the trick.
He quotes Eric Ericson [Erikson], a Jewish psychologist who had a Danish father whom he never came to know because his parents (Jewish mother) separated before he was born, who says an agitator has three basic characteristics: 1. Identify problems 2. Insecurity 3. Bored to death.
The Father believes that the NPA [New People’s Army] is losing steam, driven from Tarlac by social and economic development and the BSDU’s [Barrio Self-Defense Unit] into Isabela.
He speaks of the development of a child [using Eric Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development]:
1-3 – Trust
3-6 – Autonomy
6-12 – Task
12-18 – Intimacy (This is the dangerous age as sex may become a pseudo fulfillment. And he seeks to be superior to his peers in, of course, activities that are acceptable and important to
The fifth page of this entry is missing.
his peers, and yet seeks acceptance in the adult world of which he hopes to be a member. Thus the split personality of the young man).
Of the modus operandi of the communists, he says that
- They are engaged in a politization of the farmers in the barrios although they are frustrated as the farmers prefer a slow peaceful change. He refers to the parallelism by the farmers of their carabao and the bus.
- Then they would bring about a social economy where the peasantry and the laborers would become independent of anyone and would have sufficient income.
- Then a cultural revolution of their own brand based on nationalism where the government would be returned to the masses. And since the masses cannot run such a government, then they, the radials, would run it for them.
- Then would follow the equalization of all people—the communization or communalism of the people.
But he feels that we are saved by the earthy wisdom of the farmers.
And of course the serious efforts at reforms to improve the lot of the people in both the public and the private sector.
As a Christian he is optimistic, he says.
He is trying to strengthen my confidence in myself and in our people. He speaks of the genius of our people of the alanganin, the capacity to survive the unpredictable.
I agree with him that we are winning the fight against communism but I do not agree that in a year we will be done with them. He may have referred to our growth pains in our economy is [sic] disappearing.
But the communists will not disappear. They will always be there. And if we are not on guard, they will always be threatening, intimidating, obstructing production and the growth of the economy. If we continue tolerating them, they will someday be able to mount a revolution that will hurt our people.
I agree with his analysis that the moderates have become leftists in one year and a half because they did not have an ideology. The communists did. It is easier to criticize and destroy.
And with his feeling that the SDK [Samahan ng Demokratikong Kabataan] is now more vital and active.
But I believe that the KM [Kabataang Makbayan] is the mother organization is a front of the Communist Party. In fact it is the student arm of the NCPP [New Communist Party of the Philippines]. Nito Tayag, the head of the KM is a member of the Politburo of the NCPP under Jose Maria Sison.
The reason the radicals are not succeeding in setting up violent demonstrations is:
- The moderates are not joining them.
- They finds violence antagonize the people.
12:35 PM (after lunch)
Actually right now there is a split even within the NCPP of Sison on the matter of policy. Sison is for as much violence as possible. His subordinates are for a more cautious and prudent course. Organize, strengthen and recruit first.
But they are all for ultimate violence. Knowing the communists, they will overreach and underestimate the strength of government.
From the viewpoint of a Christian with compassion for his fellowmen, what is the only possible course.
It is a course that would mean the success and stability of our republic without bloodshed.
And the only course I can see now which satisfies their requirements is a proclamation of Martial Law, accompanied by a swift und quiet arrest of the communists before the public announcement of Martial Law.
The nagging thought that I am not doing everything to protect the Republic is but a manifestation of impatience. And this I must guard against.
Timing is of the essence!
Why should Martial Law be a Christian solution to our problem?
Because if the communists are allowed to grow as they are growing now, then if ultimately they use massive violence to seek to attain their ends, then this would mean the killing of communists, hard core and fashionable, our soldiers and innocent civilians.
It is to prevent such killing is well as the destruction and trauma that would accompany it that the fast counter-action of Martial Law is precisely provided for.
7:45 PM after dinner
“We must save lives, even the lives of the communists who may someday not follow communism,” I told Father Jose Cruz, S.J., my retreat muster us we talked before supper in my room.
I had told him I wanted to talk to him and he came to my room while I was exercising at the end of the hall where there is a slight breeze (it is actually warm in my room). I confessed to him informally. And then we talked of the problems our nations is facing.
He told me that there was no one except me who could lead the country now. I agreed with him saying, however, but I was trying to choose three men irrespective of party whom I could bring into the innermost councils and secrets of government and I could find none. Gerry [Gerardo] Roxas is lazy and weak, Ninoy [Benigno] Aquino [Jr.] is irresponsible, Doy [Salvador] Laurel is inexperienced, [Gil] Puyat is too old, [Arturo] Tolentino unpredictable.
But I told him, my value is my closeness to the army and my ability to restrain it so it becomes the balancing wheel of our confused times, that my purpose is to coalesce all groups, radical and conservative so that we may not divide our nation.
My attention has been called to the possible verdict of history and even of my contemporaries. My answer is such verdicts do not really matter. What matters is what your conscience says. And my conscience says save lives, save the republic and save the constitutional convention.
I am intrigued by the similarity of the situation in the Philippines and in France before the 1st and 2nd World Wars as explained by William L. Shirer in “The Collapse of the Third Republic.” (Note Permanent Political Crisis, pp. 96-104) See also pp. 194-196; 199-230 on the riots in Paris on Feb. 6, 1934 that toppled the Daladier government which resigned because it did not wish “to employ soldier against the demonstrators.”
The thirteenth page of this entry is missing.
According to the diary’s pagination, another page should be found between the last page of this entry and the next day’s entry (April 4), but it is unclear if the missing page is dated April 3 or 4.
Where this last paragraph came from is unknown. It is not on the last page of the April 3 entry’s manuscript. It is possible that this paragraph comes from the missing page mentioned in the above footnote, but it cannot be confirmed.