15 January 1896

Dapitan

Money he sends parents given to Paciano instead — Telegram petitioning for Rizal’s freedom — Enemies everywhere, even in so called “friends” — Rizal buys land — He invites his parents to come live with him again — He has spent his youth serving his country — Now he wants to serve his parents — Writes glowingly about his plans— Josephine is good and meek.

* * *

Dapitan, 15 January 1896

MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,

I received your affectionate letter and I’m very sorry about the troubles you have had.

I’m very much surprised that you have given 40 pesos to my brother Paciano because it seems to me he doesn’t need them. I gave him the balance that cost me 18 pesos and for you and my father the 44 pesos as Christmas gift. If my brother took it because of necessity, it is all right. I place at his disposal all that I have, though I don’t have much. I know he will devote it to a useful purpose.

What you write me about the telegram petitioning for my freedom that Maneng saw can be true; but I’m already so disappointed with all the hopes they have given me that in truth I just smile. I have so many enemies! And my very compatriots and friends who are at Madrid are working so that I may not get out of here! They tell me that those who prevented my transfer to Vigan were my “friends” of Malolos. I don’t know who they are, but may God reward them.

I bought here a piece of land beside a river that has great resemblance to the Calamba River, with the only difference that this here is wider and its stream is more abundant and crystalline. How it has reminded me of Calamba! My land has 6,000 abaca plants. If you want to come here, I will build a house where we can all live together until we die. I am going to persuade my father to come, and beside me, I hope he will always be gay. My land is beautiful; it is in the interior, far from the sea, about a half-hour’s walk; it is in a very picturesque place. The land is very fertile. In addition to the abaca plantation there is land for planting two cavanes[1] of corn. Little by little we can buy the remaining lands near mine. There are plenty of dalag [mudfish], pakó [ferns], and little round stones. The bed of the river is all of round little stones. Hydraulic machines can be installed.

I have employed the energies of my youth serving my country, though my compatriots do not want to acknowledge it. However, it cannot be denied that we have succeeded that in Spain they pay attention to the Philippines, for this was what was wanting. God and Spain will do the rest; so I hope. My services are now useless and all I wish is to serve you and my father and help my sisters. If you come and they grant me freedom to establish myself there, we are going to revive our old town, without friars or civil guards, without bandits. It is true that this river and my land have no memories for me as Kalamba has; but we cannot have everything nor can we obtain everything that we wish. I would like to be God and I am not even a sacristan, which, according to some, is the first step to be near God.

I don’t want you to give me the bicycle as a gift, but I want to buy it with my own money. At Ullmann’s they sell new and good ones for 175 pesos, but I want one that is less expensive, sturdy, second-hand, for use in these very rough places so harmful to metal objects.

If they let me live on my land,2[2]I intend to plant coconut trees.

Trining and Pangoy want to come with some nephews. I say that they consult you.

You will receive a small quantity of salted fish prepared by the person who lives at my home. She is good, obedient, and meek. All that we lack is to be married; but, as you yourself say, “It is better to be in the grace of God than married in mortal sin.” Until now we have not quarreled and when I lecture to her, she does not answer back. If you come and live with her, I hope you will get along with her. Moreover, she has nobody else in the world but me. I’m all her kindred.

With nothing more, my dear mother, I hope we meet soon.

Your son who adores you,

JOSÉ RIZAL

01-884 [Family]