1 May 1891

Brussels

Draft for P100 of the Propaganda for January and February – Rizal refuses the pension in order to go home and practice his profession – Philippines, Hong Kong, or Japan – Europe seems to him a place of exile – That the Propaganda defray the expenses of a student with his $50 pension – When he becomes independent he will again fight with more vigor.

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Brussels, 1 May 1891

38 Rue Phil. de Champagne

MR. A. L. LORENA[1]

Manila

MY DEAR BROTHER,

Through the kindness of J. A. I received your letter of 13 February with a draft of P100 that the Propaganda is sending me for the months of January and February and I thank you for such attention.

In order to avoid increasing its attention I believe my retirement is necessary. I will establish myself and earn my living. My chosen place is either the Philippines, Hong Kong, or Japan, because Europe seems to me a place of exile and I am hereby notifying the Propaganda of my intention so that it may make its decision.

With the $50 that it sends me monthly it could do something better, which is to defray the cost of the education of another young man who is not in the same situation as I am. Though such an amount is sufficient to live on in any place in Europe, it is not enough for one who wishes to accomplish something and to carry out the plans that he may cherish.

Consequently, I have asked Friend Basa to furnish me with the funds for my return, so that I can start earning a small fortune. If at last, after the end of a few years, I become financially independent, I shall be able to undertake a more vigorous and effective campaign than I have been doing until now.

In the enclosed letter to the assistant director I go into more detail. Please inform the Propaganda and express to it my profound gratitude.

Your attentive servant.

DIMAS ALANG[2]

04-625 [Misc.]

1891.5.11 Biarritz
From: Nellie Boustead
To: Jose Rizal

She advises Rizal not to ask her parents for her hand – Her mother’s opposition.

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(Villa) Eliada

Biarritz

Biarritz, 11 May 1891

RIZAL,

I have to give you and advice that I believe will be well for you to follow at least for the momen[t].

It would have been preferable now that you have written to my parents in your second to the last letter, to stop asking for my hand for the time being, if you had not talked to them in the last one for although my father understands what it is, my mother, if she understands it, the least […] does not like to understand it anymore.

She exposed to me the difficulties that might present themselves, that you are not so settled as to permit yourself to maintain a family, etc. I answered her; “Rizal can do what he desires; he has told me that his intention is never to marry me before he has what he lacks in order to maintain a home; and on the other hand I have shown him that I could not give him a categorical answer before he will have accepted the condition that I [have asked of him], Jose (111) is free to do it or not to do it, [and] consequently I for my part – am free to give or not to give my categorical answer to his sentiments towards me, that I like to believe – should be sincere.” Lastly, it is too long to rate to you what I said: but one of the things that she said to me, “that I should not fall into the illusion of believing myself [much] beloved, as she does not doubt that I do not possess anything attractive,” I said the I hardly look at myself, but as to falling into illusions I believe it unlikely because I have never […] that I possessed nothing extra-ordinary and if I am beloved by someone, it is that is responsible for his madness.

I should like to beg you not to write anymore and I […] to renew it to you, even thus if you write to Miss Johnson do not talk of me anymore because I see that she is not better than other persons, and that she, like others, would like nothing more than her own interest, she may yet compromise me!! What I can say is that it is difficult to watch over a house in which many women like to wag their tongues and usurp the place of the one who should be, next to the owner of the house, the only person that gives orders; in this there is no way of being in the confidence of the others. Happily I know how to turn my looks to the other side more [easily] and to beg the Lord to provide me with [patience?] without [which] I believe that I shall lose my head. I expect [that] this letter will be in your hands […] some […] friends, and that you […] throw us through the gullet, [of the booty] not waiting more but your press but that they should protect you on the contrary from the furor of their attacks. [3]

H.

03-626 [Reformists]