24 April 1891

Biarritz
From: Nellie Boustead
To: Jose Rizal

Fragment of a letter of Miss Boustead to Rizal – She talks about her religion – Wishes Rizal a happy trip home.

* * *

(Villa) Eliada

Biarritz

April 24, 1891

[. . . written] truly the [letter . . . into the] hands of my [parents . . .] again gathered here:

I see [that. . .] you are decided to leave [. . .] inasmuch as you have the [idea of defending yourself] against the attacks of your [enemies] making yourself the subject of another country provided it is not Spain [be]cause you will remain a “Filipino” as I am [ . . . ] being for the moment an English subject! It is true that assuring oneself of the protection of God, nothing can happen without His will but in the end He left us also the care of protecting ourselves. He wants that His creatures should work also and not remain with crossed arms waiting for His aid. He has given us sufficient intelligence for ourselves in the things of this [world] because this [ . . .] intelligence does not [ . . .] for he who looks [ . . .] He wants then that [we give Him our hearts] and ask His ([help] and from His Spirit [to understand] what He wants of us. [For] we ourselves are in our [selves] capable, in spite of the extreme [ignorance] that we can have in understanding His precepts. He gives us His blessing, His gra[ce]. For those who are [and] He has placed us in His services it is difficult, to understand and to [serve] but [once] in the current he who comes [near Him], he who after having examined and studied what He has taught us by many of His servers, all results easy to him and notes that his yoke is easier to carry than that which the sciences here below offer us, those which are not founded but by [men] who want to impose their ideas and their [beliefs]. You tell me that you want to follow the laws of Christ. Well then, I am very contented and hope that the Lord will give you more learning, [His learning] in order to finish understanding them perfectly, then you and I [will join] to obviate these two sole [forces which] are the causes of these difficulties and our separation.

If my real estates can constitute a motive for difficulties in the eyes of my parents, on my part and on that of God there is no other heir but with me and with those who be a creature of God, and fulfill His will, of the Kingdom of heaven where we shall be with Him for all eternity. I should like to know if this hope has sometimes crossed [your mind], if you sometimes have struggled to conquer [this crown] of life with those who simply want [to receive it], who are purified in the blood of the Lamb, not of the carnal lamb, but of the Son [of] God who gave His life for us [. . .] and who by His resurrection has [opened] for us the door of [Heaven]. If you are really determined [to] continue this “career of careers” I cannot show you nothing [but a] Book and this is that which you undervalued [for having] read it with a spirit entirely distinct from he who [wants] to find the treasure which is [precious] to the world although it is so clearly demonstrated by those who thirst to [obtain] the security of the love of the Lord. You will say that I am giving you a sermon here, but what more interesting than this do you want me to tell you?

This case is what concerns us most, it is the case in which you find yourself with [. . .] difficulty to understand. I advise you nothing is needed [but] for you to wait that He [. . .] God can give you the [. . . solution] made, it is necessary that you promise on your part, for one cannot [attain] any success without sacrifice. [Thus as] you have the will for the [things] of the earth it is well that you have it in order to receive the riches from above, of conquering or dying? — why What do would you speak to me so slightly you want me to have if I let you die or to kill you with so much boredom? If you wish that I think of you during your absence from this side of the globe, make it so that you return sound and safe. It will be [perhaps too] bad for you but not [for] me if you will die!

You should remember how little disposed I was to [listen] when [you began] to tell me your [feelings] towards me; the same with yours as with those of any other; [wherefore] I ended in giving way thus as also [in] treating you familiarly it is true that I did not go further because I awaited your decision over the matter of my condition, and while it is not complied with full conviction it will be hardly possible for me to show you anything more; this does not prevent, however, my sentiments, from being [other] than the assumed indifference [that] I apparently show, others may not understand but I [believe] that you have understood. I have not promised you fidelity, may this promise not come out more than out of the mouth! I, whom you find, like other persons, so little communicative and [sparing] in words!

Now that you are leaving I wish you a happy trip and may you triumph in your undertakings, and above all, may the Lord look down on you with favor and guide your way giving you much blessings, and may you learn to enjoy! My remembrance will accompany you as also my prayers.

Miss Johnson gave me your letters to read, those in [which] you tell something about me, [but never] those that she writes to you. I beg you not to write anymore to me but if you want to, have me reach news about you by writing to Miss Johnson. I shall content myself with that [now that] it is necessary that I [resign] myself to separation. Now and then I shall send you more news [because] it will be more easy for me; it will make you happy, I guess your thoughts!!!

Good bye then! remember, you must come back; ah! what if you meet some other woman down there!!! I am happy; I must be, but it is so hard sometimes to be so, especially, having to do it in a home [. . .] difficult happy moment that [come] better [. . .] and Miss Johnson are the persons that [prevent. . .] me better. The others to keep the go close the mouth?

The eyes of Auntie[1] are cured but I assure you that her “character” is not.

Finally, patience, always patience, may you someday not be obliged to magnificent moonlight nights but out; for in the first place it is very humid on account of the frequent rains, and [. . .] headaches so that I abstain from being [. . .] not being you anymore!

What more excellent remedy you have given to my aunt to induce sleep! Four days ago I thought I would become mad because of headache and [in . . .] only person, she and [c. . .] that have come [to me. . . ] not knowing what to do, at last she thought of your remedy and gave me a portion, five minutes after I slept tranquilly having forgotten completely the pain, I assure you I shall have extreme care to preserve this prescription. I must finish, for it is now late and I shall have to go tomorrow morning to my “Hymn practicing.”

02-622 [Blumentritt V.2]