Brussels
Rizal is not seceding; he wishes only to rest and let other pens shine – Gloomy presentiments and sad dreams – Earnestly wishes to finish the 2nd volume of the Noli and be ready for any eventuality – Will send articles – Filipino youth’s duty is to redeem the native land.
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Barcelona, 11 June 1890
[Mr. Marcelo H. del Pilar]
MY FAVORITE FRIEND:
I have just received your letter which I am answering at once out of regard for your feelings. Your supposition that I am leaving La Solidaridad because of personal resentment is too far from the truth. It does seem that you do not know me yet. I am not sensitive and even if I had any resentment, I would tell you the truth and I would not stop helping and fighting for our cause.
What I like is for others to rise and other names to become familiar to the readers. I am assailed by gloomy presentiments, though I do not entirely believe them. In my childhood, it was my firm belief that I would not reach thirty and I do not know why I felt like that. Almost every night for two months now I dream of nothing else but of dead friends and relatives. One time I dreamed that I was going down a trail which led to the bottom of the earth and there I found myself with a multitude of persons who were seated, dressed in white, with white faces, silent, and surrounded with white lights. There I saw two of my brothers, one already dead and the other still living. Though I do not believe in these things, though my body is very strong and I have no ailment whatsoever, nevertheless, I am preparing myself for death, I put in order what I am going to leave behind, and I get ready for any eventuality. Laong Laan is my true name. For this reason, I like to finish at any cost the second volume of the Noli and if it is possible, I do not like to leave unfinished what I have begun without anyone who could continue it. That is why I like new writers to be known and to shine. Do not think that I feel sad or I am grieving. Every other day I do gymnastic exercises and practice fencing and shooting; but who can foresee the mishaps that may befall us?
Now and the I will also send you articles of some significance.
May our compatriots there obey the voice of their heart and devote the precious time of their youth to something great, which is worthy of them. We do not have the good luck of other young men who can dispose of their time and their future. We have upon us a duty: To redeem our mother from her captivity; our mother is pawned; we must redeem her before we amuse ourselves.
This is all.
RIZAL
03-546 [Reformists]